When “Back to School” Feels Like Back to Stress: Healthier Ways to Cope Than Reaching for a Glass of Wine

The first week back to school is no small thing. Excitement bubbles up as kids see old friends, nerves creep in with new teachers and routines, and sometimes sadness lingers as we leave behind the fun of summer, or the comfort of younger years.

In my own house, this transition has been… let’s just say lively. My seven-year-old is a natural night owl with serious FOMO. All summer, she stayed up late with her teenage siblings, soaking up every moment. Now, adjusting to earlier bedtimes feels like an uphill climb. She still wants to stay up late, fighting the inevitable truth: morning will come.

Balancing life, while dancing through the chaos

And honestly? That’s pretty normal. Our brains are wired to chase rewards—especially the ones that come quickly. When something feels good right away (like staying up late, scrolling social media, or pouring a glass of wine), the brain releases dopamine, the chemical that says “Do that again!”

The harder part is holding out for rewards that come later—like being well-rested in the morning, or feeling calm and clear after a weekend without alcohol. Because those benefits take more time, our brain doesn’t fire off the same instant “yes, please!” signal.

Think of it this way: our brain is kind of like a toddler who wants the ice cream now, not after dinner. And you know, toddlers don't stop screaming until they get what they want; one of my workarounds is to embellish that smoothies are ice cream with my toddler. The immediate treat always feels more exciting than the bigger reward that comes later.

It’s the same with wine. The quick buzz feels like relief in the moment—but compare that to the deeper, steadier win of waking up on Monday morning feeling clear, calm, and ready for the week ahead. That’s the kind of reward that actually sustains us.

Here’s the hopeful part: we can retrain those reward pathways. Each time we practice choosing something that truly nourishes us, our brain starts to link that with the dopamine hit. Over time, the lasting rewards become the ones our brain craves most.

That’s been true in parenting (early bedtimes are a battle, but mornings are smoother), and it’s been true in my own journey with alcohol. Most of life’s best things are worth waiting for—and with practice, our brains learn to agree.

The Invisible Load of Back-to-School

If you’re feeling heavier this season, it’s not just you. Back-to-school doesn’t just mean new notebooks and earlier bedtimes—it means juggling carpools, packing lunches, signing forms, remembering practices, and managing meltdowns.

There’s the visible chaos (shoes that vanish every morning), but also the invisible labor: keeping everyone else’s schedule in your head, carrying their emotions, and anticipating their needs. That’s a lot. No wonder so many of us reach for quick relief at the end of the day.

How Stress and Wine Became Intertwined

Back in the days when I was still drinking, weeks like this—packed schedules, endless drop-offs, and emotional exhaustion—always ended the same way: with extra wine on Friday night.

I told myself I deserved it. After all, managing kids’ schedules while working full-time is a lot (you know this). That glass of wine felt like a long exhale, a reward, the thing that helped me “take the edge off.”

But over time, I started noticing something I couldn’t ignore. Even though I wanted to feel rested and recharged for the week ahead, weekends with wine often left me more depleted than when I started. By Monday morning, I felt scattered, foggy, and more stressed—not refreshed.

So I got curious: why was something I leaned on to relax leaving me even more tense?

What’s Really Happening in the Brain

Here’s what I learned: wine was taking more than it was giving.

When we drink, the brain experiences artificially high levels of dopamine—the neurotransmitter nicknamed the “learning molecule.” Dopamine is what tells your brain, “That felt good, do it again!”

Curiosity > judgment: peek inside your brain and see what’s really happening.

But the brain also craves balance (homeostasis). To counteract the spike, it releases stress hormones like cortisol. The result? You actually end up feeling more stressed than when you took the first sip.

And for many of us, the “solution” to that stress feels like… another drink. That’s the cycle.

If you’ve ever beaten yourself up for drinking more than you planned, please hear this: there is nothing wrong with you. Your brain and body are simply responding to an addictive substance in exactly the way they’re designed to.

Quick Fix vs. Lasting Relief

Wine feels like relief because it numbs quickly—but it often steals tomorrow’s energy.

Lasting relief looks different: it soothes in the moment and leaves you lighter, clearer, and stronger after.

The good news is, lasting relief doesn’t have to be complicated or time-consuming. It’s often small, simple, and right in front of us.

A 60-Second Reset (Micro-Practice)

Here’s one to try right now:

1. Put one hand on your chest and one on your belly.

2. Inhale through your nose for a slow count of 4.

3. Hold gently for 2.

4. Exhale through your mouth for a count of 6.

5. Repeat for three cycles.

It’s just one minute, but it tells your nervous system: You are safe. You can soften. You don’t need a glass of wine to unwind.

When life feels overwhelming… just breathe.

Gentler Ways to Cope With Back-to-School Stress (That Don’t Involve Wine)

If you’re ready to use this back-to-school season as a time of learning and new beginnings—not just for your kids, but for yourself—here are some gentle alternatives to try when stress builds:

• Move your body. Even a 10-minute walk can completely shift your mood—and the kids probably need to burn off energy too.

• Turn up the music. Bust out the karaoke machine or throw a family dance party. Joy in motion is medicine.

• Soak and rest. When you’re truly exhausted, skip the wine and try a warm bath paired with a soothing alcohol-free drink.

• Express yourself. Journal out the highs and lows of the week, or get creative alongside your kids with colored pencils, Play-Doh, or Legos.

• Breathe. Guided breathing exercises can feel like medicine for the nervous system.

Each of these gives your brain a natural dopamine release—without the crash that alcohol brings.

A Gentle Invitation

Back-to-school isn’t just for kids—it can be a reset season for us too. If you’ve been wondering whether your nightly glass of wine is actually helping, or if you’re simply curious about what life could feel like without it, this is a beautiful time to explore.

Nurture what matters most… starting with you.

You don’t have to figure it all out alone. I created a free quiz called “What’s Really Driving Your Drinking?” to help you uncover the patterns beneath the habit—and begin to imagine new ways of coping that feel lighter and more sustainable.

"This quiz was so insightful. I’m doing a 30-day alcohol-free challenge, and it’s the longest I’ve gone without drinking in years (11 days!). Thank you for sharing your story and creating this resource." - S.C.

Because the relationship we’re really focusing on here is the one we have with ourselves.

When we tend to that connection, everything else—our stress, our energy, our presence with the people we love—flows from there.

P.S. And if you’re craving a few simple ideas to bring more calm and ease into your days, I co-created a free Self-Care Series you can explore at your own pace. Think of it as gentle inspiration, not another thing on your to-do list.